Happy#
Let's start with something happy, for myself and for friends who read this blog.
In the past few weeks, I mentioned Slowly, and a few days ago I received a long-awaited reply from a friend. When I saw the notification that the letter was delivered, I couldn't wait to reply to her.
When I opened Slowly and saw your letter, after two months, I believe you must be recovering well. I couldn't wait to reply to you even before receiving your letter. I guess recovery takes time, and I hope you can recover soon and experience the beauty of the world.
This friend, she is from Brazil (at least that's what she marked), as I mentioned before, she is not in the same age group. In October, she suddenly told me that she came to a new city and was anxious, and she had depression.
Before I came to SHU, I wanted to meet new friends through Slowly, mainly to improve my English skills and learn about the lives of people from different parts of the world.
Surprisingly, I got to know a few people who I kept in touch with for a month, but soon everyone got busy with their own lives and there was no sound, which is quite normal. After all, Slowly, as its name suggests, is not instant messaging, and I quite like it.
I met a friend who was the first person I opened up to when I came to SHU. We chatted and it made me feel like it was a turning point.
Oh, in the previous blog post, I received birthday wishes from several friends, which made me feel the warmth of the internet! Thank you all for your wishes! Occasionally, I check everyone's lives through RSS or manually, even though we are strangers, I still feel happy when I see everyone experiencing good things.
Regretful#
I think it's hard for my real-life friends to believe that I am a Sagittarius, a fire sign.
Last week, I met a Leo, and we communicated and shared our life stories with each other.
To say that there are no regrets means that we have both taken a step forward, and to say that there are regrets means that we have only taken a step forward.
Love is indeed complicated.
If I had to do it again, I would still do the same, expressing myself even though I'm not outstanding, and having a crazy crush.
It seems like it was the same last time too, accumulating emotional strength, approaching the crush when it feels right, ending up with a negative result, and slowly recovering.
Actually, from the beginning, I may not have been confident, as if I didn't see my own sharpness, and others didn't feel it either.
I think I will recover, but it may take some time to process and put the broken pieces back together. It's just that there are still some cracks.
When I see this in the future, I may think back and have regrets, or I may just smile and let it go. Who knows?
There are many things I want to say but can't say.
What am I doing#
Anyway, that's it.
Lately, I've been focusing on learning English speaking. On one hand, I feel the importance of English in the process of learning coding. On the other hand, in an unsatisfactory real-life environment, I still long for sincere communication and good conversations. I have thought about whether there will be an opportunity in the future to find a remote job and return to my hometown to live my own life.
I have received messages from two friends who didn't pursue postgraduate studies. One of them successfully got a job at the local power supply bureau, and the other failed to switch to coding but still got into a field related to the system (there will be opportunities to switch or have advantages to switch in the future). After graduation, I feel that everyone's life trajectory has undergone significant changes. Some pursue postgraduate studies, some endure their jobs, and some are already preparing for marriage. It makes me sigh at how things change, once you make a choice, you can only move forward.
For myself, I still want to explore more possibilities. I want to share a quote I learned from a dental vlog video recently:
What's the whole point of graduate study?
I would say that it's about exploring the potential of the self. It's about finding the light through the darkness. It's about living with bravery and resilience.
Speaking of English, I tried a trial lesson on Cambly, and it was pretty good. I even thought about subscribing and communicating with foreign friends every week, not worrying about pronunciation or anything, just casual conversations.
These days, I've been a bit crazy in the lab, and when I wrote this weekly journal, I drank my senior sister's plum wine, 12°C, 330ml. I feel a bit dazed, and I write whatever comes to mind.
This kind of clear-minded but dazed feeling is quite nice. If I get drunk, I won't be able to handle it. I don't want to lose control. I hope to have the opportunity to drink and chat naturally with friends, and have happy conversations. (Oh, saying this doesn't mean I like drinking now, drinking is not a necessary condition).
Do adults also have conversations like this when they drink? I don't know.
Life is still beautiful~