Wow, I haven't written anything in May yet. If I don't write something soon, this month will be over. On a Friday afternoon with unfinished deadlines, I decided to tidy up my emotions.
In the blink of an eye, I have made it through all the Thursdays. I took a deep breath and sorted out my emotions.
"The Razor's Edge"#
After finishing "The Three-Body Problem" on Kindle, it was left to gather dust. I thought I should read more books, so I sporadically finished reading Mr. Maugham's "The Razor's Edge".
I really liked the ending words, where everyone found satisfaction: Larry found the freedom he wanted, Isabel achieved her desired capitalist lifestyle, and Elliott entered the upper class society he desired.
After retiring, Larry was emotionally scarred and didn't accept the perfect script written by others to do business. Instead, he embarked on a spiritual pursuit that others couldn't understand. Whether in the book or in reality, he would be misunderstood. Faced with the fork in the mist and the bright future, Larry chose to find what he wanted in the fork.
This semester, I made new friends. I used to envy having plenty of time and being highly adaptable, while feeling that I was already old. Recently, my mindset has changed. I envy having freedom and control over my own life. Each stage has its own freedom and limitations.
I hope that my current efforts will allow me to have more control in the future. I know that I am just an ordinary person and I can't be like Larry.
May Day#
With Friends#
I went home for May Day and only had one meal with friends. The picture looked tempting, but the taste didn't meet my expectations (fine).
I had a lot of conversations with friends during the meal. He shared his experiences after entering the legal profession and talked about the impact of technologies like GPT on the industry. I just ate my food and didn't say much. Listening to him felt like listening to an investor analyzing the ups and downs and their impact, while I have transformed into an "diode" engineering student this year, only interested in technical matters.
He has matured a lot, even his WeChat avatar has become mature, replaced by a photo in a suit. Well, it's a sign of a mature man (can't help but make a joke, hhh).
After that meal, I didn't go out much...
Changes at Home#
During short visits like this, there will inevitably be delicious food and drinks to "serve" me. I had lobster with lots of meat, which made me very satisfied. The simple meals at home are better than the food outside.
My aunt gave my grandmother an old Android phone, so she became fashionable too. She started using Douyin and happily analyzed interesting things about the internet with me. The internet is impacting the whole society. After tea, the uncles and aunties in the village not only talk about who has more or less, but also talk about what they saw and praise it...
On one hand, I want to criticize the harm caused by these media, but on the other hand, I can't help but feel amazed. Even the elderly want to catch up with the times, talk to the younger generation, and discuss fresh things from the internet. They don't want to be left behind...
The day before yesterday, my grandmother called me and said that she saw on her phone that the COVID-19 situation in SH is very serious, and asked me to be careful. Hahaha, in fact, I had already been vaccinated by then, but I didn't get tested...
I can also see my parents aging. I see a more peaceful side of them, but it scares me. On one hand, they feel somewhat powerless and can't help me much. They want to say something, but they are afraid of annoying me, so they hold back. On the other hand, they are afraid that I haven't grown up, that I will be deceived or not take care of myself, so they want to say more.
In the eyes of most parents, their children will always be children...
Every time I want to sigh and say that the older generation is truly great, whether it's providing a good life or anything else, they give everything they can. But when it comes to myself, I think it's hard for me to do the same. I am selfish.
I hope my parents age slowly and that I can make them realize my growth. I hope they can also live their own lives in the future.
One-Third of My Master's Life#
I have finished one-third of my life as a master's student, and I can't help but make a few comments.
I have taken classes for three semesters and have felt the enthusiasm of many professors in matrix theory (I don't understand, but I am moved by their passion for a subject); I have been busy with data science courses that torture people, but I also admire the knowledge of that professor, which surpasses most others; I have experienced the laid-back teaching style of an English teacher, which I envy. She has a free and open approach to educating children, which is interesting. Most of the classes are still limited to "Pre, Pre, Pre," and most classmates don't understand what you're saying, and you don't understand their topics either...
During this year, I have also met top students who are pursuing a combined master's and Ph.D. degree. They have encouraged me to move forward during anxious days. I have also encountered my crush and took a brave step, even though the outcome was regrettable. I have met children who openly share their emotions. I have reconnected with old friends and look forward to meeting and talking with them again. I am grateful for all the encounters and experiences...
The plan for the future is simple: try to publish a small paper, and if that doesn't work, resort to watering it down... The main focus is to invest my energy in transitioning to computer science. Finally, I have plenty of time to plan and pursue the things I want.
There are days when I really like every song on the daily recommendation, and there are days when I click on the next song like crazy. I hope that we can all sort out our emotions and enjoy our own lives.